The official manual · The Column
The Old Man'sColumn.
Gift advice for the man who says he wants nothing. Plain comparisons. Instructions he won't read. Written by the Old Man, who has opinions.
Gifts & grandpa humor · November 12, 2026
What to get the dad who says he doesn't want anything.
He said "nothing." He meant it. He'll also notice if you listen. Twelve gifts for dads and grandpas, ranked by the Old Man.
Read it →Format, use & care · November 12, 2026Balm vs. salve vs. cream. What's the difference?
Same shelf, different stuff. The difference is mostly water, wax and how it feels going on. The Old Man explains, slowly.
Read it →Format, use & care · November 12, 2026How to use a balm. Instructions he won't read.
Lid off, small scoop, rub it in, wash your hands. There's a little more to it, and the Old Man wants you to know he knew all of it already.
Read it →Ingredients & feel · November 12, 2026CBD and CBG, in plain English.
Two sets of letters on a jar. What they are, where they come from, what the law says about putting them in a balm, and how to read the lab report. No sales pitch.
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